my BIGGEST fear... DEATH!!

2007-03-05T02:50:00.001-08:00

hi.. this is my first post... welcome to princess' life.. i'm not a really princess, but peoples like to call me that way... for my first post, i want to tell u, my fear.. actually, peoples just tell me that i have a normal body, not that fat, not that skinny. but, deep inside my heart, there's something tell me that i'm a total jerk, and i'm totally FAT! and, the most total, stupid thing that i ever do is, i follow that voice to have a complete, full, tight, DIET.. and since i watched the oprah's show about anorexian, bullemian, and over weight peoples, something makes me scared all the time... i'm afraid of death... since i feel wanna puke every time i finished my lunch, and dinner. the first time i feel wanna puke after i eat is the second day at my retreat. then i asked alot of peoples, what's peoples with aneroxia and bullemia looks like. and what gonna happen if that aneroxia and bullemia continued? this afternoon, i asked my school pysicolog, and she said that bullemia is peoples that wanna lose their weight, with puke everytime she or he finished their meals. and aneroxia is peoples that wanna lose their weight with full and tight diet. she or he dont let them self eat for days. if the aneroxia and bullemia continue, slowly, that people, will die... i even sweared to my friends that i wont diet anymore. but, will the 'EVIL VOICE' that keep whispering in my heart, GONE??? just pray for me... i need strength from my friends...

luv and kisses princess